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Old 10-28-2015, 06:03 PM   #1
whiteswan1988
 
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Default Extremely strange story, extremely strange man

I have been having an extremely strange time dealing with an extremely strange man. I don't know what spells to do or what mindsets to adopt to free myself of this extremely strange confusion. It is a long but fascinating story.

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent/guilty)

Here it starts. I made a friend online due to a similar interest in the Third Reich and other things. I'll admit, I could see the sense in SOME of Hitler said (though not all of it, naturally), so we still hit it off, and he seemed open minded, though also dedicated to ridding the world of immorality, which I also loved (not knowing how far he wanted to go). He was also into paganism and dark things like graveyards. However, he started to show his dark side. Misogynistic, racist, and homophobic. An actual Nazi.

Well, this friend, Joshua, introduced me to Lenny, a very interesting character. Lenny worked at a vampire museum in a famous witch city. He had pale white skin, long, black hair, a big smile, and sharp, bright blue eyes. He was dressed in black, with black fingernails and tons of pagan rings. He was oddly fascinating. He said he didn't like Christianity, Judaism, or Islam. I made a joke about them and he laughed. I was immediately fascinated and asked Joshua if we could go back to see him. Even his name suited him perfectly, and was a name I had loved since childhood. Everything about him seemed to “fit”, though I wasn't crushing and I didn't think about him again other than laugh about what a character he was once in a while when mentioning Joshua. Besides, at the time I had other interests, both love and otherwise. But looking back, it seemed like fate. It was only a five minute meeting. Since Joshua was getting nasty, it was also a relief to meet Lenny, because of the contrast.

I go to that city every fall and I saw Lenny again once or twice throughout the years but didn't really pay him attention. I walked into a new shop once that looked interesting and discovered he now worked there. I talked to him for a few minutes with a friend (I mentioned to the friend that he was that “weird guy” I had met with Joshua) and he gave us a tour of the new place, then we left.

Three or so years after that (five years after I first met Lenny), I took a film course in which I was supposed to direct a film, and since it had a witch theme, I decided to go to the witchy city to get some actors. I thought of Lenny as one of the potential actors, so I decided to stop by his place before going home. He wasn't there, but the shop owner told him about it later on, and when I called back (several other employees were interested), the owner, Tom, told me he was interested. I got the contacts of several of these people, friended them on Facebook, and was happy I found a pagan-esque crowd to relate to. (and actors for what was to be a great film).

I went back the next week or so, and spoke for a while with both Lenny and another employee personally. He was very nice and intelligent and we had the same beliefs. He didn't have the same beliefs as Joshua, as I feared, and had broken off the friendship with him (as I also had). Lenny seemed very kind and compassionate. I was very excited I was getting actors to be in this film, since it would be televised on public TV and would maybe open people's minds and educate them about paganism. I was also happy Lenny was going to be part of it, and I was also getting a bit of a crush on him.

During this meeting, Lenny and I talked about a lot of things. He said he was an Ordo Templi Orientis member and was into Aleister Crowley, and I recognized the Crowley name and had read a bit of his writings online. Lenny was a real free spirit, who dressed the way he wanted and told me of his love of making weird art (with crocodile hands and such) and about his tastes in music and movies, which very nearly matched mine. I showed him some artwork I did and he gushed over it, which made me quite happy. He also believed in having multiple partners, which I also did at the time, and we discussed it a little bit and I mentioned that it was better than monogamy because no one would get left out or rejected, etc. So I thought I hit the jackpot. But I still wasn't stupid enough to get involved without getting to know him, and I still had my movie to make.

Lenny and I ended up talking on the phone about the film, but the conversation ended up lasting for hours, and after a few more calls we quickly became great friends. He was into Crowley, paganism in general, weird art, and a lot of similar music. He lived with a sick mother and took care of her, which was starting to make it a bit hard to do the film- he was never available. My own mother was getting sicker as well, which made it hard from my end. I also wanted to spend as much time with my mother as possible, but she did push me to make my film and not worry about spending time with her. Lenny and I did bond a lot, though, and we helped each other deal with having a sick parent.

The more I talked to Lenny, the more I discovered we had in common. Our political beliefs, our spirituality, our interests, our love of our family, and our childlike innocence in a world that was dark and sorely needed liberation. He was also odd in a fascinating sort of way. He was very sexually liberated and took naked pictures of himself and sent me four of them (making me promise not to show them to anyone...though I later found out there were tons online). He changed his age, also, because he said he was ashamed of it. I found out his real age by Googling him.

We wanted to spend time together but he did not have a car and was in a bad financial situation because of his depression and his taking care of his mother. He was depressed, it seemed, and behaved weirdly once in a while, because of an extremely abusive childhood (which I later came to suspect was a form of ritual abuse- perhaps he was born into a cult- read on).

We were both busy: me with my mother and my film, and he with his mother. But we still spoke for hours and wanted to meet. Once or twice he got testy with me, over irresponsible behavior of his (things like promising repeatedly to call me one night, and then not doing so, and then getting over-upset with me when I neutrally brought it up with him the next morning; once he got overly upset at me for “analyzing” him, and became very irrational during a conversation in which I considered putting the friendship on hold for a while, because I was suspecting he had a personality disorder).

But we patched things up quickly. Lenny was the first person I called after my mother passed away. He was a shoulder to cry on, gentle and comforting. He was very spiritual as well, and we talked for hours on end about the occult, God, and such things. I talked to his mother here or there and she sounded a bit hazy, a bit tired out from life. She told me a bit about Lenny, about how he had this nice girlfriend once who got him a car (he doesn't currently drive and didn't then), how much hardship she and Lenny had been through, etc.

I suspected that some of it was a bit of a sob story, and I recognized that Lenny could be a bit childlike at times, but didn't think too much of it. Besides, I didn't want to “overanalyze” him or “read too much into” his behavior...

Well, I understood he had a horrific childhood (traits, history, and behaviors below), and I understood that abuse can drastically change a person's actions and outlook. So I got worried when, repeatedly, he started saying quasi-suicidal things. “Sometimes I wish I was never born,” “My life is over/there's nothing left for me,” “Without my mother and sister I'd kill myself,” “I just want to reunite with the godhead.”

When his mother went into rehab he became more agitated and withdrawn. Also, I had recently read several things about suicide warning signs and he fit a lot of them (not including the statements he made). I decided to call him and talk to him about it...and I couldn't get a hold of him...for two days, which was somewhat unlike him. His mother may have been dying.

“Is he going to do it?” I asked myself.

I didn't want to take a chance so I notified his aunt through a private message on Facebook (I had already talked to his aunt through FB before that and she responded) and I told her not to worry. I also told her niece, “Tracy.” Tracy initially was eager to help and I was glad to get through to someone.

Big problem. My brother told me, when I arrived at home, that my friend called twice, and his sister, who said she was a cop and was from the other side of the country. My brother said when Lenny called he was stoic, but his sister was angry, and had ordered me to unfriend all the family on Facebook. She accused me of trying to be “cute” by talking to his family.

I had never talked to this sister, Betty, before, but Lenny had mentioned her before. He had said she was a high up government official so powerful she had secrets she couldn't even tell him. (I had started to notice Lenny's weirdness at this time- he had diagnosed himself unofficially with bipolar or something). He said he hadn't heard from her in a while, but she suddenly wanted a siblinghood with him again.

I called Lenny and left a message. I called Betty, and talked to her for about 15 minutes. She sounded a bit strange. Oddly, I thought, for a police officer, she was angry that I contacted the family (most police officers are involved in suicide prevention programs and recommend you notify the family of suicide talk, however vague).

She mentioned the family being “very protective of each other,” and saying that Lenny and the family “shut down” when things get tough, and shut out people outside. I recalled how Lenny had once told me his derelict father (who he almost never saw), may have had links to the Mafia. She contradicted a lot of what Lenny said (she said they talked all the time, unlike what he said, and she said his mother was dying, while Lenny said she was getting better). I kept trying to apologize to reason with her, but she was stubborn and sarcastic. She said a cousin of Lenny's had gotten wind of my message and “he is no joke” as he is “a gang member.”

I emailed the niece, Tracy, again, the next day or so, and she said Lenny told his aunt I was stalking him and that we hadn't talked a while, both of which were false. We both agreed this was weird, but she said she only told me what she heard. The next day or so, she was telling me subtly that maybe I had better focus on other things, and that there are other things in life. (A few months later, she defriended and blocked me on Facebook after a conversation we had that was totally unrelated to Lenny).

Two weeks later, I called Lenny and he was still pissed. He yelled at me, told me his aunt almost called the cops on him (he seemed paranoid about the idea of cops), that she's not in the best of health (how was I supposed to predict either of these things?) and that he just needs some time. So I stopped talking to him for three months. I tried him again briefly three months later, and no answer, so I ignored him again and went about doing my own thing.

Since he was a friend, and I was worried about him (especially since I had learned more and more about ritual abuse and cults), and since I was curious, and also since I still had feelings for him, I decided to try again. I called him from my dad's cell phone and he answered. He didn't sound angry, and was pleasant. I called him from my home phone but it seemed he had gone to sleep. It was late.

I put him to rest for a while, again. I called his sister (the cop) out of curiosity and I got a four and a half hour rambling explanation of their family history and problems. There was definitely something going on there, and I was right. Betty the sister said Lenny's father (who was also her father- their mothers were different, but were best friends-!) killed people and the families of those victims were posing a danger to Lenny and his family (revenge feud) and that when I called in February, they thought I was someone dangerous to Lenny or the fam. Lenny, she said, stopped talking to me because he wanted to protect me, not because he was angry. She also said he was isolated, had no time for friends anyway, and was withdrawing out of safety. I remembered that even when the previous year, he had been skipping employee parties at his place and staying home playing video games.

Frankly, I wasn't sure whether to believe her, but a lot of what she said about their family history was identical to what I had researched about ritual abuse families. Don't get me wrong- I know how crazy it all sounded. That's why I didn't just leave him alone after this. I figured he may have just been blowing steam and needed time and that his sister was a bit confused. I wanted to spend time with him, though. He was funny, caring, open minded, and understood me (as a “left hand path” thinker), and I still felt for him. Not to mention the fact that now I knew he was going through something strange and harmful- even if it was just his own psychological problems. He was still my friend. He was still a great person, and I wanted to help him because he meant something to me.

But I forgot about him for a while, just kind of did my own thing.

In October, my friend “Rob” and I went up to his city and place of work, like we do every year (we had been doing that since before I befriended Lenny) and we ended up running into him, standing outside the store he works at. I said hello, gave him a hug, and after less than a minute I left to let him work at his job.

The next week, on Saturday, my brother and I went up there. He had never been, and also, he wanted me to get some clarification from Lenny once and for all. I wanted some answers, too. We went to Lenny's shop that afternoon and said hi to him, chatted for a bit. Then we asked him if he'd be willing to talk to me. He said to come back later. So we did.

That evening, I asked him outright if he wanted to be my friend anymore or not. He didn't answer but said I posted insulting things about him on Facebook and that a female friend, Vivian, had called him up and told him. I told him I never posted anything like that. He said he would call her and check and that I could call him and talk about it on Monday from 12PM-1PM.

I went home that night, emailed Vivian. She not only said she never saw such a post, but that she hadn't talked to Lenny in over a year. Something was very strange about all this.

On Monday, I rushed home at 12PM to be polite to Lenny and call when he was available. I tried him multiple times from 12-2PM (an hour after he said), and he wasn't there. I found this rude and sent a somewhat testy message saying “thanks a lot, I had to rush home”- nothing mean or nasty, but firm and displeased. I don't like when people are dishonest to me.
It then dawned on me that he may have just been called into work. I felt bad for judging him so I called the people at his small shop, who, as I've said before, knew my name and persona. I asked them if he had been called into work today unexpectedly. They said no. I figured I had been lied to, and I was very confused about this whole situation.

I then went back out to school. When I came home, I saw he had called me twice, and returned the call. He yelled at me, told me “I don't want any part of you!” “go find yourself a boyfriend and leave me alone,” told me I was “giving him attitude” about “not calling at the exact time” and told me I was “overbearing.” He said he had been out shopping with his mother and had left his phone at home. I apologized, realizing that with a life situation like his (crazy family or not), his memory might not be under his control. Please just give me a chance to explain, I said. I also said that I liked him and that he was a very unique individual that I wanted in my life and I didn't want to fight with him. “I don't know what your problem is,” he said, but he agreed to give me another chance and that I could speak with him another time.

I didn't even get a chance to talk about the supposed post he said I put on Facebook. Or the fact that Vivian contradicted his story.

On Wednesday morning, I discovered two messages that he had sent Monday night (sent BEFORE the conversation where he called me overbearing), two messages I hadn't seen yet. In them, he said “LEAVE ME ALONE,” “don't show up in [his work town] fucking next week, or there will be PROBLEMS.” He also told me “go find yourself a boyfriend”, said he was in a relationship with someone, and mentioned that “Tom”, the owner of the shop he works at, said I was “calling there looking for” him, and that I was banned from the property.

I was shocked, to say the least.

Banned from the shop? For what? In a relationship? But wasn't he “isolating” and withdrawing from people? And he had told me he was polyamorous (capable of being in more than one relationship at a time) and either way, why would he object to a platonic relationship if he had a girlfriend?

Also, he had never told me not to talk to him until that Monday night (when he left the messages). How could it be stalking for me to contact him BEFORE he told me he didn't want me to?

I still wasn't getting the whole story, and I was starting to see how dishonest (or at least confused) he was, contradicting himself, leaving out details. So I decided to call him again that Sunday, since in the most recent conversation I had with him (that prior Monday night) he said he would be willing to talk. He didn't answer and I did not leave a message.

After that I called Tom's shop, and asked if it was really true that I was banned from the premises. I suspected Lenny was lying about that. To my utter shock, Tom said that yes, I was banned. He would not discuss the details with me, and kept cutting me off when I tried to explain my side of the story. He merely said one of his employees felt like I was “stalking” him and “harassing” him by showing up at his workplace and calling there. I was near stuttering in dumbfoundedness.

He also said that he was filing a police report against me, and that Lenny was currently doing so as well. I asked why. Tom said another employee, Kyle, had complained that I had sent a picture of a woman with a gun to him and that he took it as a threat. I didn't know what on earth he was talking about. Threat? He said that if I showed up at the shop, there would be a policeman there, and that if I even called he would call the cops. We ended the call and I was in tears for the next half hour.

This was one of my favorite stores, I loved the people there, and Lenny had betrayed me. Also, I might now have an unearned criminal record.

If Lenny lied about all the other things he said and did, who's to say he wouldn't lie to the police and tell them things about me that weren't true, to attack me? When I look back on our freindship, it's not all butterflies and lollipops. He did some very strange behavior, when I looked at it all in retrospect, and I was getting worried about what he would do next...


Thinking of all this, I couldn't help but recall this quote from Phil Hine:

“It may sound like a cliché, but love begins at home. No amount of one-night stands will compensate for not feeling okay about yourself. Anyone who tells you that they are still looking for the 'right' partner so that they can practice sexual magic 'properly' still hasn't cottoned on to the basic facts that so-called sex-magic 'power' does not reside in other people, techniques, or in occult 'secret teachings.' All magical 'power' comes from within, and cultivating Self-Love is a first step to unleashing this power. Which is not to say that it is easy—it often isn't, and many people spend years struggling to like themselves. Self-Love requires that you accept yourself—warts and all, rather than trying to live up to a self-image which is unrealistic and unbalanced. Self-Love enables you to relax so that you are not continually flogging yourself with internal criticism, and, significantly, you do not feel an overwhelming need to have other people's approval. Self-Love changes the way we relate to others, so that we no longer use other people as props to support our fantasies, but begin to see them as independent agents. If you do not love yourself, then you will find it difficult to love other people—you will continually use others to prop up parts of your ego.”



Here are Lenny's traits and behaviors (keep in mind, when I found out about these one by one they didn't look as strange as when I looked back and added them all up):

*Poor memory (abuse can cause memory loss). Did not recall saying or doing certain things. Very poor sense of time.

*Very compassionate, especially towards animals (many ritual abuse survivors were forced to kill animals or watch people killing animals, so they get sensitive about animals in pain)

*Bullying victim and outcast at school, and black sheep in family (Italian-American moderate Catholic, "conventional"/normal family- he is an occultist)

*Contradicts himself. Also, is logical sometimes, not logical other times, especially when he feels he is being "analyzed" (which is what he accuses you of doing if you notice he is contradicting himself)

*Hates being "analyzed" (meaning: misunderstood and then asked to clarify what he's said)

*Seems to know what rape/boundaries are, has good sense of boundaries, yet other times seems to understand and agree with quotes supporting rape (although he says they were taken out of context)

*When I mentioned an older friend I had who was “still” a virgin, he said “someone needs to tie him up and rape him”, jokingly (I thought).

*Father never around during childhood, except a few times, like when my friend saw father dragging body once; his father also murdered my friend's mother's abusive boyfriend with hammer (the boyfriend slapped my friend around)

*He used to have bad temper growing up, stress; punched a hole in wall when he was a kid, and punched and kicked his friend when he was 12 for no reason (waffled immaturely when I told him I was sad to hear that, since it changed my view about him)

*Had several girlfriends of needy character, one drug addict, another “insane” (well, according to him), another always “jealous” of other women he'd look at, one cult member (in Santeria chicken sacrificing cult, which I thought weird since he's sensitive to animal suffering)

*Mother and several boyfriends were alcoholics; mother now addicted to Xanax; he's used Klonopin over the years, which can cause severe brain damage

*His aunt and toddler cousin murdered decades ago (mother went on Xanax, in fact, because of that- did she know too much and was "encouraged" to go on the drug to kill any memories? Cults/ritual abuse families often do that to members who start to “wake up”)

*Sexually liberated but compulsively objectifies himself with nude pictures he posts online

*A bit socially awkward, "young" for his age

*Contradicts himself, seems to have multiple personality traits (if not personalities), forgets saying stuff; life story details change (like how his father died); seems to almost have multiple personality disorder

*He was very paranoid about the cops coming to his house when he told me his aunt was going to call them on him (abusers often dress up as cops or authority figures when abusing kids so kids think cops are abusing them and won't go to them for help; not that real cops aren't often cult members also- they put their members in all different positions of authority to gain control)

*He's not hateful or racist, but sometimes he used to talk about "the Jews" as a political group, controlling things, and hated the three Abrahamic religions because they were sexually repressive. Like I said, I actually met Lenny through a weird Gothic friend I had, Joshua, who turned out to be a Neo Nazi, but my friend said he himself doesn't have those beliefs and stopped hanging around with Josh because of it.

*He says sometimes, with regard to the elites controlling the country, that might makes right and there's nothing we can do, just don't fight them, sit back and let it happen, what's the use, etc. He believes aliens are behind a lot of it.
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Old 10-28-2015, 08:32 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by whiteswan1988 View Post
I have been having an extremely strange time dealing with an extremely strange man. I don't know what spells to do or what mindsets to adopt to free myself of this extremely strange confusion. It is a long but fascinating story.

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent/guilty)

Here it starts. I made a friend online due to a similar interest in the Third Reich and other things. I'll admit, I could see the sense in SOME of Hitler said (though not all of it, naturally), so we still hit it off, and he seemed open minded, though also dedicated to ridding the world of immorality, which I also loved (not knowing how far he wanted to go). He was also into paganism and dark things like graveyards. However, he started to show his dark side. Misogynistic, racist, and homophobic. An actual Nazi.

Well, this friend, Joshua, introduced me to Lenny, a very interesting character. Lenny worked at a vampire museum in a famous witch city. He had pale white skin, long, black hair, a big smile, and sharp, bright blue eyes. He was dressed in black, with black fingernails and tons of pagan rings. He was oddly fascinating. He said he didn't like Christianity, Judaism, or Islam. I made a joke about them and he laughed. I was immediately fascinated and asked Joshua if we could go back to see him. Even his name suited him perfectly, and was a name I had loved since childhood. Everything about him seemed to “fit”, though I wasn't crushing and I didn't think about him again other than laugh about what a character he was once in a while when mentioning Joshua. Besides, at the time I had other interests, both love and otherwise. But looking back, it seemed like fate. It was only a five minute meeting. Since Joshua was getting nasty, it was also a relief to meet Lenny, because of the contrast.

I go to that city every fall and I saw Lenny again once or twice throughout the years but didn't really pay him attention. I walked into a new shop once that looked interesting and discovered he now worked there. I talked to him for a few minutes with a friend (I mentioned to the friend that he was that “weird guy” I had met with Joshua) and he gave us a tour of the new place, then we left.

Three or so years after that (five years after I first met Lenny), I took a film course in which I was supposed to direct a film, and since it had a witch theme, I decided to go to the witchy city to get some actors. I thought of Lenny as one of the potential actors, so I decided to stop by his place before going home. He wasn't there, but the shop owner told him about it later on, and when I called back (several other employees were interested), the owner, Tom, told me he was interested. I got the contacts of several of these people, friended them on Facebook, and was happy I found a pagan-esque crowd to relate to. (and actors for what was to be a great film).

I went back the next week or so, and spoke for a while with both Lenny and another employee personally. He was very nice and intelligent and we had the same beliefs. He didn't have the same beliefs as Joshua, as I feared, and had broken off the friendship with him (as I also had). Lenny seemed very kind and compassionate. I was very excited I was getting actors to be in this film, since it would be televised on public TV and would maybe open people's minds and educate them about paganism. I was also happy Lenny was going to be part of it, and I was also getting a bit of a crush on him.

During this meeting, Lenny and I talked about a lot of things. He said he was an Ordo Templi Orientis member and was into Aleister Crowley, and I recognized the Crowley name and had read a bit of his writings online. Lenny was a real free spirit, who dressed the way he wanted and told me of his love of making weird art (with crocodile hands and such) and about his tastes in music and movies, which very nearly matched mine. I showed him some artwork I did and he gushed over it, which made me quite happy. He also believed in having multiple partners, which I also did at the time, and we discussed it a little bit and I mentioned that it was better than monogamy because no one would get left out or rejected, etc. So I thought I hit the jackpot. But I still wasn't stupid enough to get involved without getting to know him, and I still had my movie to make.

Lenny and I ended up talking on the phone about the film, but the conversation ended up lasting for hours, and after a few more calls we quickly became great friends. He was into Crowley, paganism in general, weird art, and a lot of similar music. He lived with a sick mother and took care of her, which was starting to make it a bit hard to do the film- he was never available. My own mother was getting sicker as well, which made it hard from my end. I also wanted to spend as much time with my mother as possible, but she did push me to make my film and not worry about spending time with her. Lenny and I did bond a lot, though, and we helped each other deal with having a sick parent.

The more I talked to Lenny, the more I discovered we had in common. Our political beliefs, our spirituality, our interests, our love of our family, and our childlike innocence in a world that was dark and sorely needed liberation. He was also odd in a fascinating sort of way. He was very sexually liberated and took naked pictures of himself and sent me four of them (making me promise not to show them to anyone...though I later found out there were tons online). He changed his age, also, because he said he was ashamed of it. I found out his real age by Googling him.

We wanted to spend time together but he did not have a car and was in a bad financial situation because of his depression and his taking care of his mother. He was depressed, it seemed, and behaved weirdly once in a while, because of an extremely abusive childhood (which I later came to suspect was a form of ritual abuse- perhaps he was born into a cult- read on).

We were both busy: me with my mother and my film, and he with his mother. But we still spoke for hours and wanted to meet. Once or twice he got testy with me, over irresponsible behavior of his (things like promising repeatedly to call me one night, and then not doing so, and then getting over-upset with me when I neutrally brought it up with him the next morning; once he got overly upset at me for “analyzing” him, and became very irrational during a conversation in which I considered putting the friendship on hold for a while, because I was suspecting he had a personality disorder).

But we patched things up quickly. Lenny was the first person I called after my mother passed away. He was a shoulder to cry on, gentle and comforting. He was very spiritual as well, and we talked for hours on end about the occult, God, and such things. I talked to his mother here or there and she sounded a bit hazy, a bit tired out from life. She told me a bit about Lenny, about how he had this nice girlfriend once who got him a car (he doesn't currently drive and didn't then), how much hardship she and Lenny had been through, etc.

I suspected that some of it was a bit of a sob story, and I recognized that Lenny could be a bit childlike at times, but didn't think too much of it. Besides, I didn't want to “overanalyze” him or “read too much into” his behavior...

Well, I understood he had a horrific childhood (traits, history, and behaviors below), and I understood that abuse can drastically change a person's actions and outlook. So I got worried when, repeatedly, he started saying quasi-suicidal things. “Sometimes I wish I was never born,” “My life is over/there's nothing left for me,” “Without my mother and sister I'd kill myself,” “I just want to reunite with the godhead.”

When his mother went into rehab he became more agitated and withdrawn. Also, I had recently read several things about suicide warning signs and he fit a lot of them (not including the statements he made). I decided to call him and talk to him about it...and I couldn't get a hold of him...for two days, which was somewhat unlike him. His mother may have been dying.

“Is he going to do it?” I asked myself.

I didn't want to take a chance so I notified his aunt through a private message on Facebook (I had already talked to his aunt through FB before that and she responded) and I told her not to worry. I also told her niece, “Tracy.” Tracy initially was eager to help and I was glad to get through to someone.

Big problem. My brother told me, when I arrived at home, that my friend called twice, and his sister, who said she was a cop and was from the other side of the country. My brother said when Lenny called he was stoic, but his sister was angry, and had ordered me to unfriend all the family on Facebook. She accused me of trying to be “cute” by talking to his family.

I had never talked to this sister, Betty, before, but Lenny had mentioned her before. He had said she was a high up government official so powerful she had secrets she couldn't even tell him. (I had started to notice Lenny's weirdness at this time- he had diagnosed himself unofficially with bipolar or something). He said he hadn't heard from her in a while, but she suddenly wanted a siblinghood with him again.

I called Lenny and left a message. I called Betty, and talked to her for about 15 minutes. She sounded a bit strange. Oddly, I thought, for a police officer, she was angry that I contacted the family (most police officers are involved in suicide prevention programs and recommend you notify the family of suicide talk, however vague).

She mentioned the family being “very protective of each other,” and saying that Lenny and the family “shut down” when things get tough, and shut out people outside. I recalled how Lenny had once told me his derelict father (who he almost never saw), may have had links to the Mafia. She contradicted a lot of what Lenny said (she said they talked all the time, unlike what he said, and she said his mother was dying, while Lenny said she was getting better). I kept trying to apologize to reason with her, but she was stubborn and sarcastic. She said a cousin of Lenny's had gotten wind of my message and “he is no joke” as he is “a gang member.”

I emailed the niece, Tracy, again, the next day or so, and she said Lenny told his aunt I was stalking him and that we hadn't talked a while, both of which were false. We both agreed this was weird, but she said she only told me what she heard. The next day or so, she was telling me subtly that maybe I had better focus on other things, and that there are other things in life. (A few months later, she defriended and blocked me on Facebook after a conversation we had that was totally unrelated to Lenny).

Two weeks later, I called Lenny and he was still pissed. He yelled at me, told me his aunt almost called the cops on him (he seemed paranoid about the idea of cops), that she's not in the best of health (how was I supposed to predict either of these things?) and that he just needs some time. So I stopped talking to him for three months. I tried him again briefly three months later, and no answer, so I ignored him again and went about doing my own thing.

Since he was a friend, and I was worried about him (especially since I had learned more and more about ritual abuse and cults), and since I was curious, and also since I still had feelings for him, I decided to try again. I called him from my dad's cell phone and he answered. He didn't sound angry, and was pleasant. I called him from my home phone but it seemed he had gone to sleep. It was late.

I put him to rest for a while, again. I called his sister (the cop) out of curiosity and I got a four and a half hour rambling explanation of their family history and problems. There was definitely something going on there, and I was right. Betty the sister said Lenny's father (who was also her father- their mothers were different, but were best friends-!) killed people and the families of those victims were posing a danger to Lenny and his family (revenge feud) and that when I called in February, they thought I was someone dangerous to Lenny or the fam. Lenny, she said, stopped talking to me because he wanted to protect me, not because he was angry. She also said he was isolated, had no time for friends anyway, and was withdrawing out of safety. I remembered that even when the previous year, he had been skipping employee parties at his place and staying home playing video games.

Frankly, I wasn't sure whether to believe her, but a lot of what she said about their family history was identical to what I had researched about ritual abuse families. Don't get me wrong- I know how crazy it all sounded. That's why I didn't just leave him alone after this. I figured he may have just been blowing steam and needed time and that his sister was a bit confused. I wanted to spend time with him, though. He was funny, caring, open minded, and understood me (as a “left hand path” thinker), and I still felt for him. Not to mention the fact that now I knew he was going through something strange and harmful- even if it was just his own psychological problems. He was still my friend. He was still a great person, and I wanted to help him because he meant something to me.

But I forgot about him for a while, just kind of did my own thing.

In October, my friend “Rob” and I went up to his city and place of work, like we do every year (we had been doing that since before I befriended Lenny) and we ended up running into him, standing outside the store he works at. I said hello, gave him a hug, and after less than a minute I left to let him work at his job.

The next week, on Saturday, my brother and I went up there. He had never been, and also, he wanted me to get some clarification from Lenny once and for all. I wanted some answers, too. We went to Lenny's shop that afternoon and said hi to him, chatted for a bit. Then we asked him if he'd be willing to talk to me. He said to come back later. So we did.

That evening, I asked him outright if he wanted to be my friend anymore or not. He didn't answer but said I posted insulting things about him on Facebook and that a female friend, Vivian, had called him up and told him. I told him I never posted anything like that. He said he would call her and check and that I could call him and talk about it on Monday from 12PM-1PM.

I went home that night, emailed Vivian. She not only said she never saw such a post, but that she hadn't talked to Lenny in over a year. Something was very strange about all this.

On Monday, I rushed home at 12PM to be polite to Lenny and call when he was available. I tried him multiple times from 12-2PM (an hour after he said), and he wasn't there. I found this rude and sent a somewhat testy message saying “thanks a lot, I had to rush home”- nothing mean or nasty, but firm and displeased. I don't like when people are dishonest to me.
It then dawned on me that he may have just been called into work. I felt bad for judging him so I called the people at his small shop, who, as I've said before, knew my name and persona. I asked them if he had been called into work today unexpectedly. They said no. I figured I had been lied to, and I was very confused about this whole situation.

I then went back out to school. When I came home, I saw he had called me twice, and returned the call. He yelled at me, told me “I don't want any part of you!” “go find yourself a boyfriend and leave me alone,” told me I was “giving him attitude” about “not calling at the exact time” and told me I was “overbearing.” He said he had been out shopping with his mother and had left his phone at home. I apologized, realizing that with a life situation like his (crazy family or not), his memory might not be under his control. Please just give me a chance to explain, I said. I also said that I liked him and that he was a very unique individual that I wanted in my life and I didn't want to fight with him. “I don't know what your problem is,” he said, but he agreed to give me another chance and that I could speak with him another time.

I didn't even get a chance to talk about the supposed post he said I put on Facebook. Or the fact that Vivian contradicted his story.

On Wednesday morning, I discovered two messages that he had sent Monday night (sent BEFORE the conversation where he called me overbearing), two messages I hadn't seen yet. In them, he said “LEAVE ME ALONE,” “don't show up in [his work town] fucking next week, or there will be PROBLEMS.” He also told me “go find yourself a boyfriend”, said he was in a relationship with someone, and mentioned that “Tom”, the owner of the shop he works at, said I was “calling there looking for” him, and that I was banned from the property.

I was shocked, to say the least.

Banned from the shop? For what? In a relationship? But wasn't he “isolating” and withdrawing from people? And he had told me he was polyamorous (capable of being in more than one relationship at a time) and either way, why would he object to a platonic relationship if he had a girlfriend?

Also, he had never told me not to talk to him until that Monday night (when he left the messages). How could it be stalking for me to contact him BEFORE he told me he didn't want me to?

I still wasn't getting the whole story, and I was starting to see how dishonest (or at least confused) he was, contradicting himself, leaving out details. So I decided to call him again that Sunday, since in the most recent conversation I had with him (that prior Monday night) he said he would be willing to talk. He didn't answer and I did not leave a message.

After that I called Tom's shop, and asked if it was really true that I was banned from the premises. I suspected Lenny was lying about that. To my utter shock, Tom said that yes, I was banned. He would not discuss the details with me, and kept cutting me off when I tried to explain my side of the story. He merely said one of his employees felt like I was “stalking” him and “harassing” him by showing up at his workplace and calling there. I was near stuttering in dumbfoundedness.

He also said that he was filing a police report against me, and that Lenny was currently doing so as well. I asked why. Tom said another employee, Kyle, had complained that I had sent a picture of a woman with a gun to him and that he took it as a threat. I didn't know what on earth he was talking about. Threat? He said that if I showed up at the shop, there would be a policeman there, and that if I even called he would call the cops. We ended the call and I was in tears for the next half hour.

This was one of my favorite stores, I loved the people there, and Lenny had betrayed me. Also, I might now have an unearned criminal record.

If Lenny lied about all the other things he said and did, who's to say he wouldn't lie to the police and tell them things about me that weren't true, to attack me? When I look back on our freindship, it's not all butterflies and lollipops. He did some very strange behavior, when I looked at it all in retrospect, and I was getting worried about what he would do next...


Thinking of all this, I couldn't help but recall this quote from Phil Hine:

“It may sound like a cliché, but love begins at home. No amount of one-night stands will compensate for not feeling okay about yourself. Anyone who tells you that they are still looking for the 'right' partner so that they can practice sexual magic 'properly' still hasn't cottoned on to the basic facts that so-called sex-magic 'power' does not reside in other people, techniques, or in occult 'secret teachings.' All magical 'power' comes from within, and cultivating Self-Love is a first step to unleashing this power. Which is not to say that it is easy—it often isn't, and many people spend years struggling to like themselves. Self-Love requires that you accept yourself—warts and all, rather than trying to live up to a self-image which is unrealistic and unbalanced. Self-Love enables you to relax so that you are not continually flogging yourself with internal criticism, and, significantly, you do not feel an overwhelming need to have other people's approval. Self-Love changes the way we relate to others, so that we no longer use other people as props to support our fantasies, but begin to see them as independent agents. If you do not love yourself, then you will find it difficult to love other people—you will continually use others to prop up parts of your ego.”



Here are Lenny's traits and behaviors (keep in mind, when I found out about these one by one they didn't look as strange as when I looked back and added them all up):

*Poor memory (abuse can cause memory loss). Did not recall saying or doing certain things. Very poor sense of time.

*Very compassionate, especially towards animals (many ritual abuse survivors were forced to kill animals or watch people killing animals, so they get sensitive about animals in pain)

*Bullying victim and outcast at school, and black sheep in family (Italian-American moderate Catholic, "conventional"/normal family- he is an occultist)

*Contradicts himself. Also, is logical sometimes, not logical other times, especially when he feels he is being "analyzed" (which is what he accuses you of doing if you notice he is contradicting himself)

*Hates being "analyzed" (meaning: misunderstood and then asked to clarify what he's said)

*Seems to know what rape/boundaries are, has good sense of boundaries, yet other times seems to understand and agree with quotes supporting rape (although he says they were taken out of context)

*When I mentioned an older friend I had who was “still” a virgin, he said “someone needs to tie him up and rape him”, jokingly (I thought).

*Father never around during childhood, except a few times, like when my friend saw father dragging body once; his father also murdered my friend's mother's abusive boyfriend with hammer (the boyfriend slapped my friend around)

*He used to have bad temper growing up, stress; punched a hole in wall when he was a kid, and punched and kicked his friend when he was 12 for no reason (waffled immaturely when I told him I was sad to hear that, since it changed my view about him)

*Had several girlfriends of needy character, one drug addict, another “insane” (well, according to him), another always “jealous” of other women he'd look at, one cult member (in Santeria chicken sacrificing cult, which I thought weird since he's sensitive to animal suffering)

*Mother and several boyfriends were alcoholics; mother now addicted to Xanax; he's used Klonopin over the years, which can cause severe brain damage

*His aunt and toddler cousin murdered decades ago (mother went on Xanax, in fact, because of that- did she know too much and was "encouraged" to go on the drug to kill any memories? Cults/ritual abuse families often do that to members who start to “wake up”)

*Sexually liberated but compulsively objectifies himself with nude pictures he posts online

*A bit socially awkward, "young" for his age

*Contradicts himself, seems to have multiple personality traits (if not personalities), forgets saying stuff; life story details change (like how his father died); seems to almost have multiple personality disorder

*He was very paranoid about the cops coming to his house when he told me his aunt was going to call them on him (abusers often dress up as cops or authority figures when abusing kids so kids think cops are abusing them and won't go to them for help; not that real cops aren't often cult members also- they put their members in all different positions of authority to gain control)

*He's not hateful or racist, but sometimes he used to talk about "the Jews" as a political group, controlling things, and hated the three Abrahamic religions because they were sexually repressive. Like I said, I actually met Lenny through a weird Gothic friend I had, Joshua, who turned out to be a Neo Nazi, but my friend said he himself doesn't have those beliefs and stopped hanging around with Josh because of it.

*He says sometimes, with regard to the elites controlling the country, that might makes right and there's nothing we can do, just don't fight them, sit back and let it happen, what's the use, etc. He believes aliens are behind a lot of it.
I love the Phil Hine quote =)

Sadly this whole situation is a bottomless pit of negativity, lies and bad energy. I would run rather than walk away from this guy and you will have a much happier life for it!

xoxo
izabael
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Old 10-28-2015, 08:54 PM   #3
whiteswan1988
 
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Thanks for the advice.

I agree. For once, I'm going to stop pursuing a crazy man and take others' advice!

I've gotten way better over the years at saying "fuck you" to people like him, and I am sharper and can see them for what they are. Within the first two weeks, I could tell there was a problem with him, though I wasn't sure until it was too late.

While I wish him luck (if he really is just crazy and not malicious) and I hope he gets the help he needs, I don't want him in my life anymore. He's. Not. Good. Enough. For. Me.


-White Swan
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Old 10-29-2015, 04:33 AM   #4
Abraxas
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteswan1988 View Post
I have been having an extremely strange time dealing with an extremely strange man. I don't know what spells to do or what mindsets to adopt to free myself of this extremely strange confusion. It is a long but fascinating story.

(Names have been changed to protect the innocent/guilty)

Here it starts. I made a friend online due to a similar interest in the Third Reich and other things. I'll admit, I could see the sense in SOME of Hitler said (though not all of it, naturally), so we still hit it off, and he seemed open minded, though also dedicated to ridding the world of immorality, which I also loved (not knowing how far he wanted to go). He was also into paganism and dark things like graveyards. However, he started to show his dark side. Misogynistic, racist, and homophobic. An actual Nazi.

Well, this friend, Joshua, introduced me to Lenny, a very interesting character. Lenny worked at a vampire museum in a famous witch city. He had pale white skin, long, black hair, a big smile, and sharp, bright blue eyes. He was dressed in black, with black fingernails and tons of pagan rings. He was oddly fascinating. He said he didn't like Christianity, Judaism, or Islam. I made a joke about them and he laughed. I was immediately fascinated and asked Joshua if we could go back to see him. Even his name suited him perfectly, and was a name I had loved since childhood. Everything about him seemed to “fit”, though I wasn't crushing and I didn't think about him again other than laugh about what a character he was once in a while when mentioning Joshua. Besides, at the time I had other interests, both love and otherwise. But looking back, it seemed like fate. It was only a five minute meeting. Since Joshua was getting nasty, it was also a relief to meet Lenny, because of the contrast.

I go to that city every fall and I saw Lenny again once or twice throughout the years but didn't really pay him attention. I walked into a new shop once that looked interesting and discovered he now worked there. I talked to him for a few minutes with a friend (I mentioned to the friend that he was that “weird guy” I had met with Joshua) and he gave us a tour of the new place, then we left.

Three or so years after that (five years after I first met Lenny), I took a film course in which I was supposed to direct a film, and since it had a witch theme, I decided to go to the witchy city to get some actors. I thought of Lenny as one of the potential actors, so I decided to stop by his place before going home. He wasn't there, but the shop owner told him about it later on, and when I called back (several other employees were interested), the owner, Tom, told me he was interested. I got the contacts of several of these people, friended them on Facebook, and was happy I found a pagan-esque crowd to relate to. (and actors for what was to be a great film).

I went back the next week or so, and spoke for a while with both Lenny and another employee personally. He was very nice and intelligent and we had the same beliefs. He didn't have the same beliefs as Joshua, as I feared, and had broken off the friendship with him (as I also had). Lenny seemed very kind and compassionate. I was very excited I was getting actors to be in this film, since it would be televised on public TV and would maybe open people's minds and educate them about paganism. I was also happy Lenny was going to be part of it, and I was also getting a bit of a crush on him.

During this meeting, Lenny and I talked about a lot of things. He said he was an Ordo Templi Orientis member and was into Aleister Crowley, and I recognized the Crowley name and had read a bit of his writings online. Lenny was a real free spirit, who dressed the way he wanted and told me of his love of making weird art (with crocodile hands and such) and about his tastes in music and movies, which very nearly matched mine. I showed him some artwork I did and he gushed over it, which made me quite happy. He also believed in having multiple partners, which I also did at the time, and we discussed it a little bit and I mentioned that it was better than monogamy because no one would get left out or rejected, etc. So I thought I hit the jackpot. But I still wasn't stupid enough to get involved without getting to know him, and I still had my movie to make.

Lenny and I ended up talking on the phone about the film, but the conversation ended up lasting for hours, and after a few more calls we quickly became great friends. He was into Crowley, paganism in general, weird art, and a lot of similar music. He lived with a sick mother and took care of her, which was starting to make it a bit hard to do the film- he was never available. My own mother was getting sicker as well, which made it hard from my end. I also wanted to spend as much time with my mother as possible, but she did push me to make my film and not worry about spending time with her. Lenny and I did bond a lot, though, and we helped each other deal with having a sick parent.

The more I talked to Lenny, the more I discovered we had in common. Our political beliefs, our spirituality, our interests, our love of our family, and our childlike innocence in a world that was dark and sorely needed liberation. He was also odd in a fascinating sort of way. He was very sexually liberated and took naked pictures of himself and sent me four of them (making me promise not to show them to anyone...though I later found out there were tons online). He changed his age, also, because he said he was ashamed of it. I found out his real age by Googling him.

We wanted to spend time together but he did not have a car and was in a bad financial situation because of his depression and his taking care of his mother. He was depressed, it seemed, and behaved weirdly once in a while, because of an extremely abusive childhood (which I later came to suspect was a form of ritual abuse- perhaps he was born into a cult- read on).

We were both busy: me with my mother and my film, and he with his mother. But we still spoke for hours and wanted to meet. Once or twice he got testy with me, over irresponsible behavior of his (things like promising repeatedly to call me one night, and then not doing so, and then getting over-upset with me when I neutrally brought it up with him the next morning; once he got overly upset at me for “analyzing” him, and became very irrational during a conversation in which I considered putting the friendship on hold for a while, because I was suspecting he had a personality disorder).

But we patched things up quickly. Lenny was the first person I called after my mother passed away. He was a shoulder to cry on, gentle and comforting. He was very spiritual as well, and we talked for hours on end about the occult, God, and such things. I talked to his mother here or there and she sounded a bit hazy, a bit tired out from life. She told me a bit about Lenny, about how he had this nice girlfriend once who got him a car (he doesn't currently drive and didn't then), how much hardship she and Lenny had been through, etc.

I suspected that some of it was a bit of a sob story, and I recognized that Lenny could be a bit childlike at times, but didn't think too much of it. Besides, I didn't want to “overanalyze” him or “read too much into” his behavior...

Well, I understood he had a horrific childhood (traits, history, and behaviors below), and I understood that abuse can drastically change a person's actions and outlook. So I got worried when, repeatedly, he started saying quasi-suicidal things. “Sometimes I wish I was never born,” “My life is over/there's nothing left for me,” “Without my mother and sister I'd kill myself,” “I just want to reunite with the godhead.”

When his mother went into rehab he became more agitated and withdrawn. Also, I had recently read several things about suicide warning signs and he fit a lot of them (not including the statements he made). I decided to call him and talk to him about it...and I couldn't get a hold of him...for two days, which was somewhat unlike him. His mother may have been dying.

“Is he going to do it?” I asked myself.

I didn't want to take a chance so I notified his aunt through a private message on Facebook (I had already talked to his aunt through FB before that and she responded) and I told her not to worry. I also told her niece, “Tracy.” Tracy initially was eager to help and I was glad to get through to someone.

Big problem. My brother told me, when I arrived at home, that my friend called twice, and his sister, who said she was a cop and was from the other side of the country. My brother said when Lenny called he was stoic, but his sister was angry, and had ordered me to unfriend all the family on Facebook. She accused me of trying to be “cute” by talking to his family.

I had never talked to this sister, Betty, before, but Lenny had mentioned her before. He had said she was a high up government official so powerful she had secrets she couldn't even tell him. (I had started to notice Lenny's weirdness at this time- he had diagnosed himself unofficially with bipolar or something). He said he hadn't heard from her in a while, but she suddenly wanted a siblinghood with him again.

I called Lenny and left a message. I called Betty, and talked to her for about 15 minutes. She sounded a bit strange. Oddly, I thought, for a police officer, she was angry that I contacted the family (most police officers are involved in suicide prevention programs and recommend you notify the family of suicide talk, however vague).

She mentioned the family being “very protective of each other,” and saying that Lenny and the family “shut down” when things get tough, and shut out people outside. I recalled how Lenny had once told me his derelict father (who he almost never saw), may have had links to the Mafia. She contradicted a lot of what Lenny said (she said they talked all the time, unlike what he said, and she said his mother was dying, while Lenny said she was getting better). I kept trying to apologize to reason with her, but she was stubborn and sarcastic. She said a cousin of Lenny's had gotten wind of my message and “he is no joke” as he is “a gang member.”

I emailed the niece, Tracy, again, the next day or so, and she said Lenny told his aunt I was stalking him and that we hadn't talked a while, both of which were false. We both agreed this was weird, but she said she only told me what she heard. The next day or so, she was telling me subtly that maybe I had better focus on other things, and that there are other things in life. (A few months later, she defriended and blocked me on Facebook after a conversation we had that was totally unrelated to Lenny).

Two weeks later, I called Lenny and he was still pissed. He yelled at me, told me his aunt almost called the cops on him (he seemed paranoid about the idea of cops), that she's not in the best of health (how was I supposed to predict either of these things?) and that he just needs some time. So I stopped talking to him for three months. I tried him again briefly three months later, and no answer, so I ignored him again and went about doing my own thing.

Since he was a friend, and I was worried about him (especially since I had learned more and more about ritual abuse and cults), and since I was curious, and also since I still had feelings for him, I decided to try again. I called him from my dad's cell phone and he answered. He didn't sound angry, and was pleasant. I called him from my home phone but it seemed he had gone to sleep. It was late.

I put him to rest for a while, again. I called his sister (the cop) out of curiosity and I got a four and a half hour rambling explanation of their family history and problems. There was definitely something going on there, and I was right. Betty the sister said Lenny's father (who was also her father- their mothers were different, but were best friends-!) killed people and the families of those victims were posing a danger to Lenny and his family (revenge feud) and that when I called in February, they thought I was someone dangerous to Lenny or the fam. Lenny, she said, stopped talking to me because he wanted to protect me, not because he was angry. She also said he was isolated, had no time for friends anyway, and was withdrawing out of safety. I remembered that even when the previous year, he had been skipping employee parties at his place and staying home playing video games.

Frankly, I wasn't sure whether to believe her, but a lot of what she said about their family history was identical to what I had researched about ritual abuse families. Don't get me wrong- I know how crazy it all sounded. That's why I didn't just leave him alone after this. I figured he may have just been blowing steam and needed time and that his sister was a bit confused. I wanted to spend time with him, though. He was funny, caring, open minded, and understood me (as a “left hand path” thinker), and I still felt for him. Not to mention the fact that now I knew he was going through something strange and harmful- even if it was just his own psychological problems. He was still my friend. He was still a great person, and I wanted to help him because he meant something to me.

But I forgot about him for a while, just kind of did my own thing.

In October, my friend “Rob” and I went up to his city and place of work, like we do every year (we had been doing that since before I befriended Lenny) and we ended up running into him, standing outside the store he works at. I said hello, gave him a hug, and after less than a minute I left to let him work at his job.

The next week, on Saturday, my brother and I went up there. He had never been, and also, he wanted me to get some clarification from Lenny once and for all. I wanted some answers, too. We went to Lenny's shop that afternoon and said hi to him, chatted for a bit. Then we asked him if he'd be willing to talk to me. He said to come back later. So we did.

That evening, I asked him outright if he wanted to be my friend anymore or not. He didn't answer but said I posted insulting things about him on Facebook and that a female friend, Vivian, had called him up and told him. I told him I never posted anything like that. He said he would call her and check and that I could call him and talk about it on Monday from 12PM-1PM.

I went home that night, emailed Vivian. She not only said she never saw such a post, but that she hadn't talked to Lenny in over a year. Something was very strange about all this.

On Monday, I rushed home at 12PM to be polite to Lenny and call when he was available. I tried him multiple times from 12-2PM (an hour after he said), and he wasn't there. I found this rude and sent a somewhat testy message saying “thanks a lot, I had to rush home”- nothing mean or nasty, but firm and displeased. I don't like when people are dishonest to me.
It then dawned on me that he may have just been called into work. I felt bad for judging him so I called the people at his small shop, who, as I've said before, knew my name and persona. I asked them if he had been called into work today unexpectedly. They said no. I figured I had been lied to, and I was very confused about this whole situation.

I then went back out to school. When I came home, I saw he had called me twice, and returned the call. He yelled at me, told me “I don't want any part of you!” “go find yourself a boyfriend and leave me alone,” told me I was “giving him attitude” about “not calling at the exact time” and told me I was “overbearing.” He said he had been out shopping with his mother and had left his phone at home. I apologized, realizing that with a life situation like his (crazy family or not), his memory might not be under his control. Please just give me a chance to explain, I said. I also said that I liked him and that he was a very unique individual that I wanted in my life and I didn't want to fight with him. “I don't know what your problem is,” he said, but he agreed to give me another chance and that I could speak with him another time.

I didn't even get a chance to talk about the supposed post he said I put on Facebook. Or the fact that Vivian contradicted his story.

On Wednesday morning, I discovered two messages that he had sent Monday night (sent BEFORE the conversation where he called me overbearing), two messages I hadn't seen yet. In them, he said “LEAVE ME ALONE,” “don't show up in [his work town] fucking next week, or there will be PROBLEMS.” He also told me “go find yourself a boyfriend”, said he was in a relationship with someone, and mentioned that “Tom”, the owner of the shop he works at, said I was “calling there looking for” him, and that I was banned from the property.

I was shocked, to say the least.

Banned from the shop? For what? In a relationship? But wasn't he “isolating” and withdrawing from people? And he had told me he was polyamorous (capable of being in more than one relationship at a time) and either way, why would he object to a platonic relationship if he had a girlfriend?

Also, he had never told me not to talk to him until that Monday night (when he left the messages). How could it be stalking for me to contact him BEFORE he told me he didn't want me to?

I still wasn't getting the whole story, and I was starting to see how dishonest (or at least confused) he was, contradicting himself, leaving out details. So I decided to call him again that Sunday, since in the most recent conversation I had with him (that prior Monday night) he said he would be willing to talk. He didn't answer and I did not leave a message.

After that I called Tom's shop, and asked if it was really true that I was banned from the premises. I suspected Lenny was lying about that. To my utter shock, Tom said that yes, I was banned. He would not discuss the details with me, and kept cutting me off when I tried to explain my side of the story. He merely said one of his employees felt like I was “stalking” him and “harassing” him by showing up at his workplace and calling there. I was near stuttering in dumbfoundedness.

He also said that he was filing a police report against me, and that Lenny was currently doing so as well. I asked why. Tom said another employee, Kyle, had complained that I had sent a picture of a woman with a gun to him and that he took it as a threat. I didn't know what on earth he was talking about. Threat? He said that if I showed up at the shop, there would be a policeman there, and that if I even called he would call the cops. We ended the call and I was in tears for the next half hour.

This was one of my favorite stores, I loved the people there, and Lenny had betrayed me. Also, I might now have an unearned criminal record.

If Lenny lied about all the other things he said and did, who's to say he wouldn't lie to the police and tell them things about me that weren't true, to attack me? When I look back on our freindship, it's not all butterflies and lollipops. He did some very strange behavior, when I looked at it all in retrospect, and I was getting worried about what he would do next...


Thinking of all this, I couldn't help but recall this quote from Phil Hine:

“It may sound like a cliché, but love begins at home. No amount of one-night stands will compensate for not feeling okay about yourself. Anyone who tells you that they are still looking for the 'right' partner so that they can practice sexual magic 'properly' still hasn't cottoned on to the basic facts that so-called sex-magic 'power' does not reside in other people, techniques, or in occult 'secret teachings.' All magical 'power' comes from within, and cultivating Self-Love is a first step to unleashing this power. Which is not to say that it is easy—it often isn't, and many people spend years struggling to like themselves. Self-Love requires that you accept yourself—warts and all, rather than trying to live up to a self-image which is unrealistic and unbalanced. Self-Love enables you to relax so that you are not continually flogging yourself with internal criticism, and, significantly, you do not feel an overwhelming need to have other people's approval. Self-Love changes the way we relate to others, so that we no longer use other people as props to support our fantasies, but begin to see them as independent agents. If you do not love yourself, then you will find it difficult to love other people—you will continually use others to prop up parts of your ego.”



Here are Lenny's traits and behaviors (keep in mind, when I found out about these one by one they didn't look as strange as when I looked back and added them all up):

*Poor memory (abuse can cause memory loss). Did not recall saying or doing certain things. Very poor sense of time.

*Very compassionate, especially towards animals (many ritual abuse survivors were forced to kill animals or watch people killing animals, so they get sensitive about animals in pain)

*Bullying victim and outcast at school, and black sheep in family (Italian-American moderate Catholic, "conventional"/normal family- he is an occultist)

*Contradicts himself. Also, is logical sometimes, not logical other times, especially when he feels he is being "analyzed" (which is what he accuses you of doing if you notice he is contradicting himself)

*Hates being "analyzed" (meaning: misunderstood and then asked to clarify what he's said)

*Seems to know what rape/boundaries are, has good sense of boundaries, yet other times seems to understand and agree with quotes supporting rape (although he says they were taken out of context)

*When I mentioned an older friend I had who was “still” a virgin, he said “someone needs to tie him up and rape him”, jokingly (I thought).

*Father never around during childhood, except a few times, like when my friend saw father dragging body once; his father also murdered my friend's mother's abusive boyfriend with hammer (the boyfriend slapped my friend around)

*He used to have bad temper growing up, stress; punched a hole in wall when he was a kid, and punched and kicked his friend when he was 12 for no reason (waffled immaturely when I told him I was sad to hear that, since it changed my view about him)

*Had several girlfriends of needy character, one drug addict, another “insane” (well, according to him), another always “jealous” of other women he'd look at, one cult member (in Santeria chicken sacrificing cult, which I thought weird since he's sensitive to animal suffering)

*Mother and several boyfriends were alcoholics; mother now addicted to Xanax; he's used Klonopin over the years, which can cause severe brain damage

*His aunt and toddler cousin murdered decades ago (mother went on Xanax, in fact, because of that- did she know too much and was "encouraged" to go on the drug to kill any memories? Cults/ritual abuse families often do that to members who start to “wake up”)

*Sexually liberated but compulsively objectifies himself with nude pictures he posts online

*A bit socially awkward, "young" for his age

*Contradicts himself, seems to have multiple personality traits (if not personalities), forgets saying stuff; life story details change (like how his father died); seems to almost have multiple personality disorder

*He was very paranoid about the cops coming to his house when he told me his aunt was going to call them on him (abusers often dress up as cops or authority figures when abusing kids so kids think cops are abusing them and won't go to them for help; not that real cops aren't often cult members also- they put their members in all different positions of authority to gain control)

*He's not hateful or racist, but sometimes he used to talk about "the Jews" as a political group, controlling things, and hated the three Abrahamic religions because they were sexually repressive. Like I said, I actually met Lenny through a weird Gothic friend I had, Joshua, who turned out to be a Neo Nazi, but my friend said he himself doesn't have those beliefs and stopped hanging around with Josh because of it.

*He says sometimes, with regard to the elites controlling the country, that might makes right and there's nothing we can do, just don't fight them, sit back and let it happen, what's the use, etc. He believes aliens are behind a lot of it.
You seem to me like a beatiful and caring person, who really tries to protect the ones around you, I respect that, and I actually feel that those are traits that as time and years pass by are harder to find in people... All I can say is, love yourself a bit more, a true friend would never ever even think in betraying you like that. Stop trying to rationalize this faggets actions, you deserve better, and I would like to add that probably, 90% of what he said is bs, cause I know people like that.
There are people in this world that just can't love, maybe because of childhood problems, drugs, or just the way they're, and thats just the way it is, sadly. I know people that had really fucked up childhoods that eventually learned to appreciate love and friendship, but first you have to want to do it, and this guy seems he doesn't give a single fuck, so if u ask me, id say "go fuck urself lenny, lmao."
Keep strong girl.
93

As above so below.
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Old 10-29-2015, 04:55 AM   #5
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Swan, I firmly believe that our behaviour toward others is an outward reflection of our relationship with ourselves and our higher Will.

This says nothing but good about you and your actions. I won't say you should stop wasting your time on people who aren't worth it, because there really are no such people, and I think you know that. It's part of what reinforces your Will to help others, and part of your own spiritual beauty. Everyone is worth the time in the attempt, and your energy will never be wasted in such positive expenditures. It can't help but return to you stronger.

However, some people just aren't your wound to stitch. Somewhere else in the universe is a fix for them, and either they'll find it or they'll be stuck carrying that hole in themselves for lifetimes to come. But that's not your responsibility. All you have to worry about is how you spend your energy, and just what and who are worth it.
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Old 10-29-2015, 05:03 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by MalikLucius View Post
Swan, I firmly believe that our behaviour toward others is an outward reflection of our relationship with ourselves and our higher Will.

This says nothing but good about you and your actions. I won't say you should stop wasting your time on people who aren't worth it, because there really are no such people, and I think you know that. It's part of what reinforces your Will to help others, and part of your own spiritual beauty. Everyone is worth the time in the attempt, and your energy will never be wasted in such positive expenditures. It can't help but return to you stronger.

However, some people just aren't your wound to stitch. Somewhere else in the universe is a fix for them, and either they'll find it or they'll be stuck carrying that hole in themselves for lifetimes to come. But that's not your responsibility. All you have to worry about is how you spend your energy, and just what and who are worth it.
So you are saying, that she should spend her energy in other thing, not him. Your basically saying he is not worth the energy anymore. In conclusion, hes not worth it. Not everyone deserves our energy, one needs to learn how to use it wisely.

As above so below.
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Old 10-29-2015, 06:01 AM   #7
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So you are saying, that she should spend her energy in other thing, not him. Your basically saying he is not worth the energy anymore. In conclusion, hes not worth it. Not everyone deserves our energy, one needs to learn how to use it wisely.
Yes, exactly. Though everyone is worth time and energy on principle, not everyone is deserving of it in practice.
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Old 10-29-2015, 02:43 PM   #8
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Yes, I am focusing on ME now.

I agree we all are made in God's/universe's image, but that doesn't mean I am obligated to help him in this world. It will only drag ME down into the filth.

What I would like to know is, since he suposedly has the cops on me, and is maybe filing some sort of charge, are there any protection spells I could do on my own (I can;t afford one)?
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Old 10-29-2015, 03:19 PM   #9
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Some other things about him:

*He watched degrading porn where women's "tits" were hooked up to a milk machine. He got this "great porn" from the Nazi friend (who was a vile misogynist).

*He claimed to be "40% emotion and 60% logic". Logic and emotion are not opposites, first of all. Second, most people who say they are "less emotion" are anti-social or at least uncompassionate.

*I called him while he was watching a program on Ben Franklin. The (Jewish) host was calling him lecherous because he visited prostitutes and my friend was angry and kept saying he wanted to punch the announcer in the face. Mentioned his Jewish heritage too. Said "nobody's perfect!" with regards to Franklin visiting prostitutes (while simultaneously claiming sexual liberation isn't bad (so why the "nobody's perfect" statement?))

*He said he ran into a friend from school who was Jewish and the friend "doesn't like me too much" because of what my friend said about the Jews. Yet, other times, he would say it's not acceptable to blame them all for the actions of few.

*Said "might makes right" a few times. This is a philosophy I find abhorrent.

*Said he was verbally abusive to his sister, then changed it to "teasing", perhaps when I expressed some disappointment.

*I told him I would call him one night, because I know he forgets and I didn't want to put upon him. He promised he would call me, PROMISED repeatedly. Then when I skipped the library (where I was doing work) to stay home for his call and not be rude, he didn't show up. Not a big problem, but I thought it was rude. When I mentioned it to him the next morning, he said irritatedly, "it's not a big deal!" (in whose opinion? And when did I say it was a big deal?)

"It's not a big deal," I later came to learn, is common abuser code-word for "I don't want to take responsibility for problems I caused," and an attempt to tell you your feelings are "wrong."

*He told me he once went on a hike with a girlfriend and camped out. He said she was terrified because there were bears nearby, but he loved it. I researched narcissists, and studies show they are unusually immune to fear in dangerous situations.

*He referred to several of his girlfriends as being drug addicts, criminals, or "insane." I didn't know at the time, that many men take up with weak or downtrodden women so they can control them better, and so the woman looks like the one in the wrong if he decides to mistreat her.

Also, when I asked the details about the woman's insanity, he waffled and said he wanted to protect her privacy...even though he never had problems telling me other personal details about things and people.

*He and his mother said his ex-girlfriend got him a car, got him driving, took him to the hospital and helped him with his kidney stones, was there for him the whole time, blah blah blah. He broke up with her because he used to get into arguments with her 15 year old son "because he didn't respect his mother." The woman got breast cancer later on or perhaps even while they were together (but survived).



*He got story details mixed up (lying? Insane? who knows, who cares- the things he said weren't a big deal, but the lying/contradiction was):

-His mother said her sister and toddler niece were murdered in LA. My friend said it was a nephew.

-He said his father committed suicide in prison. Another time he said it was after he got out.

-He said our Nazi "friend" wore armbands in public with a swastika. Then he changed it and said it was a big swastika on his back.
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Old 10-29-2015, 09:42 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whiteswan1988 View Post
Some other things about him:

*He watched degrading porn where women's "tits" were hooked up to a milk machine. He got this "great porn" from the Nazi friend (who was a vile misogynist).

*He claimed to be "40% emotion and 60% logic". Logic and emotion are not opposites, first of all. Second, most people who say they are "less emotion" are anti-social or at least uncompassionate.

*I called him while he was watching a program on Ben Franklin. The (Jewish) host was calling him lecherous because he visited prostitutes and my friend was angry and kept saying he wanted to punch the announcer in the face. Mentioned his Jewish heritage too. Said "nobody's perfect!" with regards to Franklin visiting prostitutes (while simultaneously claiming sexual liberation isn't bad (so why the "nobody's perfect" statement?))

*He said he ran into a friend from school who was Jewish and the friend "doesn't like me too much" because of what my friend said about the Jews. Yet, other times, he would say it's not acceptable to blame them all for the actions of few.

*Said "might makes right" a few times. This is a philosophy I find abhorrent.

*Said he was verbally abusive to his sister, then changed it to "teasing", perhaps when I expressed some disappointment.

*I told him I would call him one night, because I know he forgets and I didn't want to put upon him. He promised he would call me, PROMISED repeatedly. Then when I skipped the library (where I was doing work) to stay home for his call and not be rude, he didn't show up. Not a big problem, but I thought it was rude. When I mentioned it to him the next morning, he said irritatedly, "it's not a big deal!" (in whose opinion? And when did I say it was a big deal?)

"It's not a big deal," I later came to learn, is common abuser code-word for "I don't want to take responsibility for problems I caused," and an attempt to tell you your feelings are "wrong."

*He told me he once went on a hike with a girlfriend and camped out. He said she was terrified because there were bears nearby, but he loved it. I researched narcissists, and studies show they are unusually immune to fear in dangerous situations.

*He referred to several of his girlfriends as being drug addicts, criminals, or "insane." I didn't know at the time, that many men take up with weak or downtrodden women so they can control them better, and so the woman looks like the one in the wrong if he decides to mistreat her.

Also, when I asked the details about the woman's insanity, he waffled and said he wanted to protect her privacy...even though he never had problems telling me other personal details about things and people.

*He and his mother said his ex-girlfriend got him a car, got him driving, took him to the hospital and helped him with his kidney stones, was there for him the whole time, blah blah blah. He broke up with her because he used to get into arguments with her 15 year old son "because he didn't respect his mother." The woman got breast cancer later on or perhaps even while they were together (but survived).



*He got story details mixed up (lying? Insane? who knows, who cares- the things he said weren't a big deal, but the lying/contradiction was):

-His mother said her sister and toddler niece were murdered in LA. My friend said it was a nephew.

-He said his father committed suicide in prison. Another time he said it was after he got out.

-He said our Nazi "friend" wore armbands in public with a swastika. Then he changed it and said it was a big swastika on his back.
K two things:
1- he's probably lying about the cop thing and the guy of the shop is either going along with the lie or just been lied by lenny aswell. AnywAy, it doesn't really matter, look i studied Law for 3 years before switching career, and there is no way they will be following u or anything, ur papers are clean, they would've need somekind of solid proof wich I do Believe lenny doesnt have cuz according to u is all lies.

2- So relax, just dont go to the shop and stop thinking about it/him. Ull do urself a favor.
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